‘Holding space’ means being fully present and curious with someone as they express their experiences, without judging or attempting to change them. In this blog post, I will explore why ‘holding space’ is so crucial in stammering therapy.
How many times have you been speaking with someone about an experience or how you feel about something and the person listening to you shares their opinion, shares when they experienced something similar, gives advice to solve your problem, negates your feelings or deflects away from the story by changing the subject? This happens often in our fast paced world, where we have become accustomed to listening, not to understand the person, but instead to respond.
How does this leave you feeling? Do you feel listened to? Understood? Probably not.
As a speech and language therapist, I have reflected on my ability to hold space, to be curious and to fully listen to the lived experiences of people who stammer. This means listening to what is being said (and what is not being said) so that I can better understand that person and their experience.
I have worked as a speech and language therapist for over a decade and this year I completed a Diploma in Personal and Business Coaching with the Irish Lifecoach Institute.
By definition, ‘coaching’ means partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximise their personal/professional performance (International Coaching Federation).
‘Partnering’ is a key concept in coaching and it stems from the belief that the client is the expert in their own life. It also assumes that each person is naturally creative, resourceful and whole (Whitworth, Kimsey-House and Sandahl, 1998) and that nothing needs to be “fixed.” This naturally aligns with my shift away from the Medical Model towards the Social Model of Disability. From the perspective of the Medical Model, stammering is a speech disorder which needs to be ‘fixed.’ From the perspective of the Social Model, stammering is a different way of talking and it is only a problem because of the barriers created by society, which expects fluent speech as the norm.
Within stammering therapy, I do not have to have all the answers. Each person who stammers is individual and therefore their feelings, perceptions, attitudes and goals will be individual to them. Being present to what the person is saying and listening fully, gives me the opportunity to meet the person where they are. From there, we can work together to explore ways that the person can move forward, find their own answers and achieve their goals.
So, how can we hold space for someone?
When we are present, it allows us to focus on the client and what they are saying in that moment. This means that we do not bring our own judgements, assumptions or try to ‘fix,’ solve or deflect from what has been said. I find that deep breathing for a few moments before an appointment or with the client at the beginning of sessions, helps to ground us both into the present moment.
We can show gentle curiosity about what the client is talking about. Simple phrases such as ‘tell me more about that…’ and open-ended questions allow us to explore and fully understand what the client is communicating. It shows that we value the other person and what they are saying.
Empathic listening involves hearing, observing and understanding what the other person is saying. This means that we must be present, attentive and try to step inside the other person’s frame of reference, to understand the experience from their point of view.
To be truly seen and heard is a basic human need. As a society, we are quick to jump to solve another person’s problem or take away our own discomfort in hearing about it. People who stammer may experience this all the more, when listeners fill in their words, move on with the conversation or give them advice or solutions to how they might help their speech. None of these things allow a person to feel truly seen and heard and they do not foster connection.
The skills that I have developed through coaching have been invaluable in supporting my work as a speech and language therapist with people who stammer. These skills enable me to ‘hold space’ and to help clients to feel truly seen and heard, perhaps for the first time.
By Claire McCullagh
Specialist Speech and Language Therapist (Belfast Health and Social Care Trust and Private Practice)
Instagram: @unravelling_stammering
Email: clairemccullaghcoaching@gmail.com
References
Whitworth, Kimsey-House and Sandahl (1998) Co-Active Coaching