Throughout his work, Dr. Chris Constantino explores different narratives of stuttering. Chris encourages us to think beyond those such as ‘Stuttering as Hardship’ and ‘Stuttering as Delight’, and to come up with our own narratives around stammering. My experiences with stammering pride, meditation and a smattering of Buddhist thinking have helped me form my stammering narrative: Stammering as Teacher.
To me, being a person who stammers is akin to having a daily course in Buddhist practice. Buddhism teaches compassion. Being a person with a hidden disability teaches me not to assume I know what’s going on with another person, what they might be dealing with or going through. Knowing that being different is not always easy, stammering also teaches me to have self-compassion. For example if I’m doing something for the first time, or if I haven’t done it in a while, I can now hear myself saying “this might not all go according to plan” and then noticing when that does happen, and being more ok with things not being perfect. Because my speech varies from day to day (to say the least!) I have learned to put a little question mark on my expectations of any given situation. Stammering, by its nature, is unpredictable, so it teaches me to take each situation as it comes. Impermanence is another central tenet of Buddhism. So if I’m having a fluent spell, I know now not to get attached to it. Moments of stammering, and my moments of spontaneous fluency, will come, and they will go. I’m even learning to enjoy both of these moments. The Buddha also spoke about trusting your own experiences over what anyone else tells you. Growing up with a stammer, the one thing that no one ever told me was to embrace how I spoke as an authentic part of me. This I learned from my own experience. Similarly, stammering teaches me to appreciate what I can and cannot control, and to let go of things I cannot change. For me as a person who stammers, many years of trying to pass as fluent were exhausting and frustrating. The desire to conform to what is ‘normal’ is strong, so it helps to have practical steps, like Chris talks about, such as advocating for greater acceptance of stammering in our own lives and environments. It also helps to engage with a community of supportive and understanding people. Rather than hiding, it feels so much better to appreciate and celebrate my differences. Chris also advocates being present in the moment of stammering, not escaping. This is not easy, after a lifetime of avoidance, but I’m getting there, helped by my meditation practice of showing up for the present moment.
One of my favourite quotes is by Pema Chodran: “Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know … nothing ever really attacks us except our own confusion. Perhaps there is no solid obstacle except our own need to protect ourselves from being touched. Maybe the only enemy is that we don’t like the way reality is now and therefore wish it would go away fast. But what we find as practitioners is that nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know. If we run a hundred miles an hour to the other end of the continent in order to get away from the obstacle, we find the very same problem waiting for us when we arrive. It just keeps returning with new names, forms, manifestations until we learn whatever it has to teach us about where we are separating ourselves from reality, how we are pulling back instead of opening up, closing down instead of allowing ourselves to experience fully whatever we encounter, without hesitating or retreating into ourselves.”
Pema talks so eloquently about how we relate to reality. The reality is, I’m a person who stammers. After many years, I’ve learned that no amount of wishing or resisting or avoiding will change that. Reality will keep showing up until it has taught me what I need to know. So far stammering has taught me compassion for others, compassion for myself, impermanence, trusting my own experience and staying in the present moment, among other things. So what is your stammering narrative, and what will it teach you?
By Mark Noonan
References
Constantino, C. (2019). Stutter naked. In P. Campbell, C. Constantino, & S. Simpson (eds), Stammering Pride and Prejudice: Difference not Defect (pp. 213-223). J & R Press.
Constantino, C. D. (2022). Fostering positive stuttering identities using stutter-affirming therapy. Language, Speech, and Hearing Services in Schools, 54(1), 42–62.
Chödrön, P. (2000). When things fall apart: Heart advice for difficult times. Shambhala Publications.